TeeJaw Blog

Attention Armed Robbers: Circle K Welcomes You, Come On In!

Posted in Culture, Government and Politics by TeeJaw on Friday, December 30, 2011, 10: 52 PM

Based on this story in the news today, I imagine a press release from Circle K convenience stores to go something like this:

Circle K today took action after a clerk in one of our stores over-reacted when an armed robber threatened to shoot him. Our clerk slammed the robber to the ground and took her gun away from her. This was unacceptable and we immediately terminated the clerk’s employment. Our company policy is not to provoke, chase or engage a robber. Circle K understands that you need safe working conditions, so we are not going to allow anyone to interfere with you as you go about your business, that is the business of robbing us even if that includes threatening, beating or even trying to kill our store clerks. In fact, if any store clerk tries to interfere with you in any way just because you threaten to shoot him, just contact management and disciplinary action, i.e., firing the offending clerk, will be taken immediately. Now if you aren’t comfortable calling up and telling us how you were mistreated in one of our stores, maybe because you think the cops are out looking for you, not to worry. When we review the security camera tape and see our store clerk saving his life by slamming you to the ground and taking your gun away from you, we’ll go all proactive and we’ll fire that sucker on the spot. We’re not going to tolerate violence of any kind in our stores done to you in the criminal trade. We understand that your job has enough challenges without having to fight off any heroic store clerks trying to stop you from shooting them.

We don’t want these cowboys working in our stores, and we know you don’t either. Your safety is our concern.

Y’all come back now, ya hear!

Circle K management: I grant you permission to use the above with or without attribution.

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